Hey, everybody, it's a Labor Day clearance sale! We gotta get rid of these leftover summer movies before the fall models come in! Quick, anybody in the market for a rip-off of Superbad? All it's missing are the likable characters and the good performances! Oh, and the comedy. The comedy fell off in the warehouse. But hey, it's got boobs! That's worth something, right? Anyone? Hello?

You might guess that a film with the uninspired title of College would be lame and derivative, and you'd be right. This laugh-free debacle is the story of three high school seniors who visit a university for a "preview" weekend in the hopes of learning more about the campus, but mostly in the hopes of participating in the legendary college parties. The normal kid is Kevin (Drake Bell), whose girlfriend has just broken up with him. He has a fat, vulgar, slobby best friend named Carter (Andrew Caldwell), and the trio is completed by McLovin -- I'm sorry, Morris (Kevin Covais), a nerdy, bespectacled wimp who looks about 14.

These three arrive at Fieldmont University (FU, get it?) to find that the dorm room they'd been scheduled to stay in is unavailable due to its occupant being a chronic masturbator. (The film makes this even less funny than it sounds.) So instead they try their chances at Beta Phi Tau, where the bastard frat president (pardon the redundancy), Teague (Nick Zano), agrees to let them stay in the basement for the weekend. His motivation for this is that he and his buddies want to torment them. The kids are willing to endure it because it means they can go to frat parties and scam on hot college chicks.

Last year I saw Gracie, a movie about a teenage girl who wants to play high-school soccer in the late 1970s, when the game was considered a males-only sport in America, and faces a lot of opposition from her school. I finished my review with the line, "If it were football, would we be agreeing more with Gracie's opponents?" The Longshots gives us the opportunity to consider that question. Can we sympathize with, and cheer on, a girl who wants to succeed as a quarterback in an all-boys' football league? The answer is yes, because The Longshots focuses on characters and personal relationships and as a result, feels richer and more satisfying than the standard sports-genre film.

The story is simple and except for the girl-quarterback angle, old-fashioned in a Capra-esque way. Jasmine (Keke Palmer) is a middle-school loner and misfit in a small town hit by economic troubles. Her mom Claire (Tasha Smith) has to work longer hours at the diner -- dad ditched town and family several years ago -- and Jasmine is still too young to be left alone after school. So Claire pleads, nags and finally bribes her husband's brother Curtis (Ice Cube), an unemployed ex-football player, to keep an eye on his niece Jasmine. Of course they can't stand each other at first, but eventually Curtis discovers that Jasmine has an excellent throwing arm and teaches her how to be a quarterback. Meanwhile, the town's playground football team is languishing, and one thing they're missing is a decent quarterback, sooo ...

Gathered to talk about Woody Allen's Vicky Cristina Barcelona, Pénelope Cruz, Rebecca Hall, Chris Messina and Scarlett Johansson all had similar praise for their director and writer -- even if they took different paths to get to the film. Cruz's agent actually reached out to Allen when Vicky Cristina Barcelona was in development, on the off chance Allen might have a role for her: "My agent said ... 'We found out you're doing a movie in Spain, do you want to meet Pénelope?' We met in New York, a very short meeting, which took less than one minute, and he told me 'I saw Volver, and I'm writing this story, it's not finished yet, but if it keeps going in this direction, the script, I think you could be right for this part. ...' He didn't tell me anything more about the story, or the characters, but I felt like we connected; we were laughing, and when I left, the people who work with him told me 'You've been there for such a long time.' ..."

Even after being asked, though, Cruz found the prospect of working with one of film's best-known directors daunting: "You can trust the director -- you're working with Woody Allen, you're working with a genius -- but that doesn't mean you're not going to be doubting yourself. ..."

UPDATE: Cinematical has been given this brand new still from the film, which shows Cruise without the eye patch.

MGM seems to be trying to reverse the effects of the doomsaying that circulated about Tom Cruise and Bryan Singer's Hitler-assassination-attempt thriller Valkyrie in the spring, culminating in the announcement that the movie was moving from December 2008 to President's Day 2009. That was received as a surrender, a sure sign that the studio had no confidence in the film and was doing damage control by moving it out of harm's way. Now, following some successful test screenings, MGM has reversed itself and is moving Valkyrie back into the heart of Oscar season: December 26, 2008. Apparently, though, the studio still doesn't think it has awards potential, and is making the move because it thinks Valkyrie will do well in the Christmastime marketplace.

I'm sure positive test screenings did have a lot to do with MGM's decision, but I think it's a smart move because it's great spin control. The press loves to read the tea leaves of studio behavior, and will see this as a major vote of confidence. I suspect the buzz on Valkyrie will seriously improve now that it is no longer the subject of what was perceived as a February dump.

For my part, I don't care about Tom Cruise or his silly eyepatch, but I have a lot of trust in Bryan Singer. The man can make a good mainstream thriller, and I don't see why Valkyrie should be any exception. I think a lot of the "bad buzz" (such as Roger Friedman randomly attacking the film) is just Cruise-bashing, which may be justified but probably shouldn't extend to his movies.

Tell me if this sounds familiar: The Hollywood Reporter posts that writers Ken Kaufman and David Agosto have sold an action-comedy pitch to MGM for $1 million. The project is tentatively titled Wardogs, and producer Michael Ewing says: "it's an action ensemble comedy in the vein of Ocean's Eleven, where the casting becomes an event. It is a bunch of these terrific actors getting together and having a good time, it's that kind of thing."

Did they keep seeing ads for Tropic Thunder while mourning the end of the Ocean's series? The film will be directed by Peter Segal, the man behind films like Tommy Boy, 50 First Dates, and most recently, Get Smart. So far, nothing is being said regarding Wardogs' plot, nor is there any word on when we'll start hearing about this super-cool group of actors.

Huge star ensemble comedies can be fun, but it kind of rubs me the wrong way when the only thing mentioned about the project is the plan for superstars, with no time given to the story. But here's your chance to dream up the ultimate star cast. What "terrific actors" would you cast in a film called Wardogs?

Sometimes it really does seem like Hollywood is out to ruin everything I have ever held dear. I know that's a bit of an overstatement, but every time a piece of news like this crosses my path, I can't help but take it personally. The Hollywood Reporter announced that MGM is developing a musical version of the 1983 romantic comedy, Valley Girl. If you haven't seen the original, then get thee to a Blockbuster because it's pretty damn awesome.

Valley Girl was directed by Martha Coolidge and starred Deborah Foreman and Nicolas Cage as a pair of star-crossed lovers in the San Fernando Valley. Besides being one of the better teen movies to come out of the '80s, Valley Girl also had one of the best soundtracks around. According to THR, MGM is planning on combining the "Romeo and Juliet-style narrative of the original into a musical colored by re-imagined classic '80s tunes." So I guess it just gets worse, because I am not looking forward to a 're-imagined' Melt with You.

The Valley Girl update is just the latest in a series of remakes announced by MGM as they raid their back catalog for anything they can get their hands on. Considering MGM was home of the musical for many years, I understand that it makes sense to carry on the tradition, but why did they have to pick on Valley Girl?

So in honor of all things valley, I'll give my review a little prematurely: Gag me with a spoon.

I'm typically a fan of all the movie-related stamps produced by the U.S. Postal Service, and I'm very glad to read the news that important early African American movie stars are being recognized and celebrated with a new series of 42-cent stamps (see them all here). However, I am a little disappointed that it carries on the usual exclusion of mostly forgotten non-musical race films, which are a significant part of both film history and African American history. Considering the stamps are tagged "Black Cinema USA," a number of people may assume this was the height of what African Americans were offered in the first half of the 20th century (Oscar Micheaux deserves a stamp).

Gripes aside, though, it is nonetheless a wonderful set. The five stamps feature vintage poster designs from old movies starring musical artists Josephine Baker (Princess Tam-Tam), Duke Ellington (Black and Tan) and Louis Jordan (Caldonia), plus King Vidor's monumental Oscar-nominated musical, Hallelujah! (it was one of the rare studio films featuring an all black cast) and the 1921 silent film The Sport of the Gods. In previous, separate years, Showboat costars Paul Robeson and Hattie McDaniel have also received their own postage stamps.

The new stamps come out Wednesday and there will be a ceremony on their behalf that day at the Newark Museum, which is currently holding the 34th annual Newark Black Film Festival. The festival is also holding free screenings of Hallelujah on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.

What could make a remake of an edgy '80s classic worthy of our valuable time? A top-notch director, of course. Within a Hollywood Reporter article focused on MGM's new chairman, Mary Parent (and all the franchises she's kicking into high gear) is one heck of a good name drop. According to the studio, Darren Aronofsky has stopped by to talk about helming the Robocop remake.

Now stop and savor how brilliant Aronofsky's Robocop would be. Doesn't that feel nice? Don't get too excited, as it's probably too good to be true, but what if? Not only could he actually make a film that could rival the bitter satire of Paul Verhoven's original, but it would actually give him some long overdue recognition and box office success. (Yes, I know we film nuts know him like he's our best friend -- but have you actually discussed The Fountain around the water cooler lately?)

Aronofsky has been dancing around big budget movie making for years. I don't know how many comics adaptations he's been attached to over the years -- I can think of Batman, Lone Wolf and Cub, and Ronin off the top of my head, but I'm pretty sure there's more. Robocop really does seem right up his alley. Let this idea actually come together. I think audiences deserve it.

[via CHUD]

There has been a lot of heated debate about that second Hobbit film. Many Lord of the Rings fans will take anything Middle-Earth, even if it's two hours cobbled out of appendices. Others see it as a betrayal of the Tolkien canon, and a blatant money grab by all involved. I readily admit I fall into the first category -- but I certainly don't want to see a bad film just to get a visual Middle Earth fix.

No matter what camp you fall into, however, Guillermo del Toro just made a statement that should please everyone. According to Defamer, he promises they are looking at adapting The Hobbit first and foremost -- and that a second film may not even happen. "We believe there is a second movie," del Toro said. "If there isn't, there will not be. If we find it, we will shoot it, but by God, if we do not find it, we will not shoot it. I am anxious to shoot the book, and I'm willing and able to dedicate myself to shooting the [second film]. In the four books that are in the domain of the copyright, there are appendices and ideas and things that can be traced without risk. But I have to be careful not to overstep. We believe there is a way to create this film and make it interesting, but it's too early."